


epiphanies

by alwayslimerent



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Freeverse poetry, Multi, Other, Poetry, poetrycollection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayslimerent/pseuds/alwayslimerent
Summary: another collection of poems





	1. "what comes is better than what came before"

i've seen souls connecting,

and it happened in the winter

and t'was born of love, a supernova

 

not in the blistering second door heat - 

born of boredom and secrecy.


	2. "makes you wonder"

while he's in a smoke cloud and

you're trying to hold back the fire in

your throat - barbed wire suffocation

 

a sunshine blonde state of mind

is the first thing the wax brings you back to

how she smiled and waved and flew over his head

 

makes you wonder

if there's others that smile with you and fly over

your head

and it's making him go green

 

when you need a pulse now

and a pillow that rises with the sun and

sinks to the earth keeping you grounded

to get a wink of sleep

makes you wonder 

if he needs your embrace too

or if he thinks it's too much 

 

when you wake up to nothing

when you're the one always initiating

and looking at him when he's not looking 

makes you wonder

if he even thinks to 

look at you when you're not looking anymore

 

when you don't feel the sutumn breeze anymore

makes you wonder

if he's just used to you

and makes you wonder

if he still feels a thing

 

when you're the one who's digging all the holes,

initiating, starting, overthinking, loving and loving

and giving and giving,

makes you wonder

if he's getting more far away.

 

 


	3. "frozen wings"

what happens when a butterfly's wings freeze?

when it can't fly anymore?

is it kept in a greenhouse - are those fellow butterflies growing tired of 

the same walls, the routine - 

seeing the same butterflies everyday?

 

butterflies were meant to fly

but do they like flying alone

or is one wing always crooked and broken

and they don't even know


	4. "the words over your head and from my heart"

i could write so many words

my deepest parts of my soul into the void

and you'd probably glance right past them

as i cherish yours


	5. "12:29am"

why do i even put these words on here,

i ask myself

when a few eyes just scroll past these thoughts

 

these stupid, mundane thoughts...

 

they don't even think past it,

the exhaust from my heart and soul

from all that i give

all the giving that i do

 

what happens when your words aren't wanted - 

you have the secrecy of your own mind

because you know

they don't even think past those

stupid, mundane thoughts

that kill off every hope and dream

with the bittersweet taste of reality

 

maybe i just dream too big, i tell myself

maybe getting what all i give back

is asking for too much

 

what hapens when

you just want a breath of air

after a long day of working so hard

and you can't even sleep a wink

 

what happens when 

you are in the passenger seat

and you don't know the driver

 

what happens when

you are a champion 

at being mediocre

 

what happens 

when you know

_deep down_

none of these words

will get me anywhere - 

the numbers are getting lower

in all the places i need then stagnant

 

what happens when

writing words like these

recording epiphanies like these

and wanting that forever

is not a math equation

or a white coat

or a cubicle office - 

 

it's a roll of the eye,

it's a side conversation within small talk

it's a speck of dust brushed off to the side

 

it's something that tests 

those who want a day in your brain

and i think that's why they don't even

want to bother to look


	6. "cold showers"

kisses are ignored messages

after you've been in the storm all day

and you're waiting

for somewhere warm

 

you're just waiting

for something

anything

to show that what you do

means something


	7. "to have and to hold"

there's something beautiful in

a love that's real - 

 

it's not always bouquets of flowers - although those are quite nice

or kisses among music that collide to form things only cinemas could see

or golden lockets that adorn your heart's beating for reciprocation

 

sometimes it's holding your hair and rubbing your back

and seeing you at your absolute worst

sometimes it's in the worst snowstorm

it's sharing the last soda

it's getting lost together

it's walking in the pouring rain and blistering winds just to make each other smile

after a day of panic and worry

it's holding each other in the quiet and never being able to sleep the same

without their heartbeat helping you breathe deep

 

it's found in the worst things possible

but they do not cost a penny

and with them

you would relive all of it

all over again


	8. "sin city"

who would have known we had found ourselves

and found love in sin city

a place where the drivers are high and the roads are slow

a place where a puff of smoke makes us feel afloat

obscene words on abandoned walls give us laughter

we are comfortable in our most natural state as the sun shines in

through the windows on our bodies which were made for each other

we found love in the purest state

in a city of sin 

in the dirt and blistering winds

where the mosquitoes are tempted by blood so pure

as i kissed your lips for the first time

i watched you drink poison and get sucked in the smoke

as you ran from the hot breath burning your neck\

you watched me drink sleeping potions

to chase out the thoughts in my head

 

we found the ripest and most crimson red apple to taste

where the rest were worm-filled and rotton - 

we took a bite

and knew we found paradise

in a city of sin

 

 


	9. "weeping willow"

it is so cruel to tell people you're crying

but how do you scream for help?

 

how are they supposed to know

that you genuinely need their hand and theie heart

while you feel so cold and worn out inside


	10. "monday"

they make it look so easy - 

waking up

getting dressed

looking presentable

eating without seeing numbers

and hearing bubblegum whispers of hate

 

they make it look so easy - 

walking out the door

talking on the phone

meeting a friend for coffee

meeting new people altogether

 

they make it look so easy - 

to live

to smile 

to breathe

to function

_to sleep_

_to snap out of it_

_and just be happy_


	11. "a letter"

god, buddha, allah, 

the sun, the moon,

mother earth - 

venus, goddess of love - 

aries, god of war - 

forever eternal blanket of space - 

if only i would have known

that the rest of my life was waiting

right there for me

sitting under a tree

my prayers and wishes

my sleepless nights filled with pillow embraces 

were answered and ceased 

as i was made to love him

and he was made to love me. 

 

if only i would have known

while writing those letters

my loved ones wouldn't bear themselves to read

while contemplating a jump adrift

to the vast, fearful unknown

as the music grew louder

with those thoughts 

swallowed in the march fog - 

if only i would have known 

that our souls 

would find each other soon. 

 

if only i would have known

while drunk on destruction

and teary-eyed with loss

in a grieving winter - 

my soul would be found by another

once we had both found ourselves.

 

i thank you god

or buddha, or allah - 

mother earth - 

venus, goddess of love - 

or aries, gos of war - 

whoever paints this masterpiece 

filled with mistakes

that you gave me a battle

and made me learn the hard way. 


End file.
